Well, Friend,

Merry Christmas from me and mine to you and yours! I hope this holiday season reminds you of your abundant spiritual blessings in Christ; the person who was born to die.

From the Womb I Knew You

Born to die. Does that purpose still happen today or was it reserved only for the son of God?

When I lost my three sons in extreme pre-term labor, it seemed like their brief lives were tragically wasted. They never got to experience life outside of the womb, and my husband and I wondered what God's plan would have been for them.

But we weren't thinking of it quite right. In Jeremiah 1:5 God says he calls us from the womb for a purpose. In Psalm 139 the psalmist says God knits us together before we are born, and plans our days before any of them come to be.

Without a breath, a word, a lecture, an action...God used our stillborn sons to change us. They too lived to die. Their purpose in life was death. Their passing made a transformative spiritual difference in the lives of my husband and I, our families, our churches, and now, through the music, testimonies and devotionals that resulted from their losses, in the lives of brothers and sisters in Christ all around the globe.

Their lives remind me that no life is ever wasted, even if it's more brief and quiet than most.

Rachel Christmases

Sometimes I think of the tragedy of the infants that were slaughtered in Bethlehem because news of Christ's birth reached King Herod. I think of those mothers that lost their babies, and the prophecy of "Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more." Were those children also born to die? It seemed to senseless. Yet we don't know the stories of their families after their deaths, if any of them became followers of Christ and found spiritual and emotional healing. I like to think maybe some of them did.

I used to hate that part of the Christmas story. I wondered why it was there. But when I had my own Rachel Christmases, I was grateful for the dark side of the holiday season that reminded me that while many celebrate festivities, many others are suffering with heart ache. It gave me compassion.

Writing a Lullaby for my Sons

On one of these Rachel Christmases, I was sitting by my Christmas tree feeling like Scrooge. I had refused to play piano for December at my church, and I wasn't going to go to the Christmas Candlelight Program that my church was going to hold. It was too hard. I too couldn't be comforted.

My tree was glowing that evening. I looked at the ornaments of my oldest son's hand prints, and some angel wing ornaments that were given to us to commemorate our twin boys. In the silence, I missed my boys too much for words.

I remembered how I used to dream of singing my children to sleep. I had wanted to sing "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem" to them as I tucked them into bed. It had a nice lullaby sound to it, and I thought it was under-rated as a Christmas song. Now that dream had died.

But as I was thinking of this, out of the darkness a melody came to my mind. It was so perfect and so beautiful, that I went to the piano and played it, singing the words to "Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem". I took the time to create angelic and starry motifs throughout, and made sure the lullaby ended with the sound of hope that I craved.

Within two hours I had it written in its entirety in my music notebook. Uncharacteristically I texted the lady in charge of our Christmas candlelight service and asked if I could sing it. I practiced it for hours until I became callous to the effect it had on me so I wouldn't cry my way through the verses. However the performance at the candlelight service was difficult, even with my husband singing with me for support. When I sat down after it was over, I broke into tears. It took everything out of me to sing that.

From where I sat, I heard sniffling all around the auditorium. I wasn't the only one in crying- everyone felt the raw emotion of the song and had heavy hearts over our story. I think they felt the hope it embodied.

Over the past few years, it become a staple in my family and for my church Christmas specials. The last time I sang it, it got a standing ovation. People told me it was their favorite version of "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem," and many asked me to sing it again before the Christmas season ended. Some years I sang it twice.

And I don't just sing it for my church. Last year I went to my boy's gravesite by myself. Sitting on the bench in the little cemetery, I sang it to them while they slept under the cold, quiet earth. It helped, but I am looking forward to singing it to them in person when I join them in Heaven one day and see them face to face.

Bethlehem Lullaby Sheet Music

I wanted to offer the sheet music to you this Christmas season. I hope that it will allow you and your listeners to feel the sound of hope. Below is the link to the music video on Youtube.

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Here is the sheet music link with the discounted price.

Let me know how it goes, and if you have any questions or comments about this piece! I love to hear from you.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas season full of hope,

Amanda Joy Smith

Composer and Producer | Songs from the Valley

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